20 December, Tuesday, 2011

I'm totally addicted to Satsuki and his songs, his voice is really like an angel. I love his songs too. Ah, my eyes feel swollen and dry, most probably due to the fact that I cried too much yesterday night while watching Helen the Baby Fox. Really touching. Christmas is right around the corner and PMR results are even closer. It's this Thursday. I'm really scared and nervous now. What if I can't make it? Sigh, now I'm sure my friends are worried as well. Hikari is going to KL this Thursday. I'm really sorry that I can't take care of your cat for you. Sorry.. T_T

25 November, Friday, 2011

Ah...Looks like the first week of the holidays are coming to an end. Time sure flies when you're having fun. Today, I prepared and cooked lunch for the first time in my life. Somehow, I really felt happy and satisfied. It's like the first step into a teenage life. As much as I am happy, I am also confused and said. Last night, Kokoro asked me to just leave her alone.. That sentence alone really pierced my heart.. I really don't know what to do right now... My power of imagination is fast fading and I don't know how to restore it... So I can't really use my imagination to comfort my heart... Although my brother is always whispering advices to me and trying to cheer me up... Oh,well... I just have to continue praying....T_T

12 November, Saturday, 2011

Finally the weekends, but I'm not feeling happy at all... All day I've been feeling like crying and just curling up into a ball and just forget everything for a while... I'm scared to go to school on Monday, because I'm not sure if Heart is still angry at me... We chatted for a while this morning, but it's obvious in her words that she is annoyed with me... she's been like this ever since yesterday, but I don't know why she's acting like this... Well, if I go on Monday, I plan to stay at school and not go for the visit to the radio station. But I don't feel like going to school at all... Problem is, if I don't go to school, there's a possibility that Heart will be angry at me... I can't really think properly right now... My head really hurts, and I have nobody to talk to... Now, I really feel alone... Like nobody can understand me... I really hate to argue and I wish and pray with all my heart that our friendship will continue until forever...

27 October, Thursday, 2011

I'm really tired today. Sham got angry at me again, I think. I kept trying to convince her that I tried to prevent Liora from ''torturing'' her.... And she said that I chose to take sides... And that I closed one eye... I told her that it is up to her to think what she wanted to think. She told me that I sound as if I'm lazy to talk to her... For crying out loud... I try to help both of them but I can't seem to achieve it... I wonder what will happen if one day I spoke my true thoughts... my true feelings... But I can't seem to bring myself to do it... They wouldn't understand... And I don't want to lose anymore friends anymore... Both of them are really my important friends... My 'nakama'... Ah, well... I'm not going to school tomorrow... I think... My heart and mind are really exhausted right now... I can't think.... 

20 October, Thursday, 2011

Sigh.... I am such a failure. Not only did I fail to give good advice to my friends, I also made them angry at me.... How can I solve this???? At this rate, I am not suitable to be a good friend... It's true... I have never been in a situation where I like someone who likes someone else... Okay, I've faced this before, but like the coward I am, I just keep my feelings inside of me and just let myself be hurt... But my friend is different... I know that... Sometimes the pain that one have to carry is just unbearable... But I've been keeping it inside of me for so long that I don't know how to help her to express her hurt and pain.... What can I do? And I really don't want her to hate or be angry at our friend... I know... If she just let and go and give in, they are able to be the best of friends... The problem is, how is that going to happen? I just want us to have a good time for this few weeks before the holidays.... I want these days to be filled with joy and laughter as we spend time and play together... To me, that is the best memories I want to create and have...

August 11 2011, Thursday

Finally, the trial exams are over. I really feel quite free now.... Or on the outside I do. I don't know why but now of these days, I'm starting to feel more lonely then ever inside. I have so many fears so many worries and I have no one to tell it to... I really very tired. I feel as if I'm going to burst and scream out my problems anytime... My mother asked me to pray and tell God. But I still want to tell it to a human, someone who really understands me... To me, my mum is the person who understands me the most... but I don't know why... she acts indifferently... perhaps because of the fact that I'm a kid and she's an adult... I really don't know what to do... Can't tell my friends... They have their own problems to worry about.... Looks like I'll have to continue to hurt on the inside for quite a while.... Sigh.............

July 22, 2011, Friday

Today was a somehow cloudy yet sunny day...
Liora moved to the front of the class this morning for no reason.... She kinda like exchanged places with Sham. Sham was angry when she saw Liora moving her things, she's not fond of people taking her stuffs.... Anyhow, Liora didn't speak with us throughout the whole day... even during the extra class... I think she's mad at me for ignoring her... Though I didn't really did that.... I talked to her for a while before she moved in front... I actually didn't want her to talk so much today because she's having cough.... Her cough might get worse... I honestly didn't wish for this to happen.. Looks like I can't understand my friends yet....I really don't want to lose anymore friends after that incident with 'Flower'... Somehow I take this as my fault for not explaining things to her properly before she gets the wrong idea.... I'm actually feeling a little tension and stress as my trial exam is coming nearer, I'm afraid I cannot complete my revisions in time... As a way... I'm actually taking my coming exam as one of the trials of the Vongola family.. This exam is the Trial from the Inheritance-Succesion Arc in Hitman Reborn.After passing this exam only can I really face Brakuran and the Six Real Funeral Wreaths. (PMR) I'm wishing all my classmates, my friends, Liora and Sham a good luck in this exam... Gambatte!

July 17, 2011, Sunday

Finally I can finish Katekyo Hitman Reborn.... But somehow, I ended up wanting for more. Luckily, I managed to find new hope when I read a short article in a website saying that Hitman Reborn might be coming back with a brand new name... Katekyo Hitman Reborn: X Generation. As I watched the last battle today, I really felt touched by Tsuna's speech. He is really fit to be a Vongola boss... The best, actually... To be honest, I wanted to be like Tsuna... to be able to put his friends first before him and to protect them with his life.... He is really the type of friend that will be very hard to find in this era. Anyhow, I try my best here too... To be the best I can be... as a friend and as a human.
I'll be waiting for the continuation of this show...
I'm currently watching D Gray-Man... But it's not that interesting.... I think I'll switch to One Piece or Fairy Tale instead...
I bought a few more activity books tonight... As a preparation for my coming examination... I no longer want to be the last minute type of person I used to be... This once... Just for this once... I'll put my all into my studies.... And at the same time trust in God.. Even Tsuna and his Guardians couldn't have won the battle if they never have prepared at all...I'll use them as my guide....
To all my friends and classmates, I wish you all the best in your examinations as well... Let's do our best and get the best results as possible! We will study to the extreme!!!
Tomorrow I'll have to go back to school..... Ah... I'm still lazy, but hey, I can't complain... It's part of my duty... I'm going to school and make friends not because I have to, but because I want to... The good comes with the bad, and I will accept both of them... I can't expect to have good moments all the time... Live has it's ups and downs anyway....
But I'm sure...I'll be able to go through this life's obstacles with the help of God and everyone who cares about me... I'll never be truly alone... ^_^
Minna, gambatte!!!

Taisetsu na Tomodachi

I'm currently facing a big problem though it might last for a while as well as a long time... My friend, Liora, she... is getting tired.... and wants to give up... I'm already getting worried.. I don't want anything to happen to her.
She is really a kind and loving friend... so naive and innocent sometimes that I can't help but want to protect her all the time.... But I can't... I can only be by her side.... and listen to her problems and worries.... All this time I only waited for her to tell me her problems because I didn't want to push her to hard... I just waited. I really failed as her friend this time.... I don't know what to do for her...as she face countless obstacles in her live.... All I can do now is pray to God that He will protect her and give her the strong will to continue fighting... I really don't want her to give up.... I know that she has the strength to go on and continue living.... As long as she is smiling... I can continue to smile too.... My worries, my fear.... I have no one to tell them to except God alone... This time I pray that she will put her faith in God too.... She has to stay strong... for her sake, her mother's sake as well as mine.... I'm afraid I might lock myself away if I lose her..... I don't want to lose anymore of my friends... I want to protect her and comfort her... but how do I do that? All this time.... the only thing I could do is stay by her side at school..... Please stay strong.... Giving up doesn't mean anything... You have to stay strong and fight.... By staying alive means that you will always have a chance to change your fate and solve your problems... Just trust in God and believe in yourself!

July 16, 2011, Saturday

Hmm.... Everyone is saying so easily that they want to die. Most of them always say that when they're tired beyond words of their life and they just want to give up.
I feel like that almost everyday, though it lasts only for a few minutes. I have to have the ability to control my thoughts and therefore, my feelings.Sometimes I just sit in a corner and wonder what is the world like without me. Will anyone care? Will anyone shed a tear for me? I'm afraid that when one day, when I'm not in the world anymore, all my friends will forget me. That's why now, while I still have the time, I want to be the best I could be, make more memories, I want to imprint them into my mind, those happy moments, the sound of laughter of my friends, those carefree days.... I want them to last a little longer... I don't want to face the cruel realities of the world because then we will all have to change. The carefree and joyous side of us will be buried deep into our hearts and slowly disappear, I really don't want that to happen.... I don't want to lose my true self... My freedom, my wings...
But then, Now is the present, sure, I'll have to worry about the future, but I'll still continue to create happy memories to remember with my friends when we grow older. I'm sure that we will continue to be happy even in the future... Though we might frown or worry too much...but I hope that we will never lose that joyous smile of our youth...
Still.... no one ever knows how our own life will be or when we will die, except God. That's why we have to live our life to the fullest and do the best we can with our life.
Sigh..... How can something that starts negative in the beginning evolves into something positive in the end?
The power of words is really very hard to learn and control...
All the same, I'll have to start my studies soon.... But not today... I guess I'm still a little lazy.... Haha.... ^^

July 15, 2011, Friday

Ah..... Finally it's Friday...
Already the weekends are here...
So fast.... and the trial exam is drawing nearer..... I'm feeling a bit lazy now...
Today I saw a catalog magazine from Yong Xin.... There are really many nice things there... I really want to buy the clothes in the magazine... But such a pity... I'm broke.
I ate a bit too much sweets... Is 5 marshmallows and 3 lollipops too much? I don't think so, but Sora most definitely does.
Liora is mad at me and Sham because we refused to accompany her home today.... She didn't talk to us and ignored us during the extra class.....
She even sat alone.T_T
 Today only 6 of us showed up for the extra class... Really can't believe it....Teacher said that she doesn't mind it, but in my opinion, she was actually feeling disappointed inside but she won't show it...
Sigh..... Liora's angry and I'm sad..... What am I going to do?
I just want all three of us to be happy.... talk and laugh together.... make happy memories while we still can..... no one knows what will happen in the future anyway... A silly thing but it is still one of my dreams and wishes....

Oh, well.... I think I'm going to text her tonight then....

5 June, 2010, Sunday

Holidays are almost over.... One more week to go.... Sigh...
My piano exam is coming, just around the corner.... Still can't seem to get the hang of the pieces... Guess I'll need to put more feelings into my songs...
And I think Kokoro is angry at me.... I chatted with her and she showed indifference to whatever I said.... When I asked her whether is she angry at me... She didn't reply.... I'll have to take that as a yes, then... T_T... Wonder what's the problem... With my exam coming near and my folios still unfinished, with my great mound of homeworks.... Stress....


Wait... I'm searching for a suitable manga to read... fantasy preferably..
And there's this video I found.. A very excellent one...

22 May, 2011, Sunday

Mid- year exams are finally over..... and the results are given out..... Well, thank God that I managed to get A for most of the subject. That leaves me with just one more problem...... My History and Geography folios! I really am getting a headache doing them..... by hand..... oh no.... hope I manage to finish them on time.

Sunday, 23/1/2011

Today I received a message from my good friend, Hikari. She can't go to school tomorrow because she is sick.
Please be alright soon!!! I'll pray for you! I'm scared to go to school tomorrow.....alone....