14, March, Wednesday, 2012

I've not post anything for quite awhile. Guess it slipped off my mind. Well... Not that anyone would read them anyway. I'm currently in the middle of a one-week break from school. And it's going to end soon. I don't feel like going to school anymore. I can't seem to find any fun things that will make me look forward to school.  I want to stay at home and just read all day long, but I know that isn't possible. A normal youth should be out and about. Like I'll believe that. But, I still have my responsibilities to carry out and one of them is going to school and study whether I like it or not. Sigh... I'm feeling scared of going to school... Because of various reasons... I don't know what to do anymore. I can only pray.

4 February, Saturday, 2012

The first post this year. A little late, I know. School is quite hard this year, new subjects... I feel tired out now... I have a resolution to try to be a bit more sociable this year. Isn't going quite well, I should say... I just don't know how to mix around. The fault's is mine... I'm anti social after all, and I don't know how to change that. Sigh... I'm such a failure...

20 December, Tuesday, 2011

I'm totally addicted to Satsuki and his songs, his voice is really like an angel. I love his songs too. Ah, my eyes feel swollen and dry, most probably due to the fact that I cried too much yesterday night while watching Helen the Baby Fox. Really touching. Christmas is right around the corner and PMR results are even closer. It's this Thursday. I'm really scared and nervous now. What if I can't make it? Sigh, now I'm sure my friends are worried as well. Hikari is going to KL this Thursday. I'm really sorry that I can't take care of your cat for you. Sorry.. T_T

25 November, Friday, 2011

Ah...Looks like the first week of the holidays are coming to an end. Time sure flies when you're having fun. Today, I prepared and cooked lunch for the first time in my life. Somehow, I really felt happy and satisfied. It's like the first step into a teenage life. As much as I am happy, I am also confused and said. Last night, Kokoro asked me to just leave her alone.. That sentence alone really pierced my heart.. I really don't know what to do right now... My power of imagination is fast fading and I don't know how to restore it... So I can't really use my imagination to comfort my heart... Although my brother is always whispering advices to me and trying to cheer me up... Oh,well... I just have to continue praying....T_T

12 November, Saturday, 2011

Finally the weekends, but I'm not feeling happy at all... All day I've been feeling like crying and just curling up into a ball and just forget everything for a while... I'm scared to go to school on Monday, because I'm not sure if Heart is still angry at me... We chatted for a while this morning, but it's obvious in her words that she is annoyed with me... she's been like this ever since yesterday, but I don't know why she's acting like this... Well, if I go on Monday, I plan to stay at school and not go for the visit to the radio station. But I don't feel like going to school at all... Problem is, if I don't go to school, there's a possibility that Heart will be angry at me... I can't really think properly right now... My head really hurts, and I have nobody to talk to... Now, I really feel alone... Like nobody can understand me... I really hate to argue and I wish and pray with all my heart that our friendship will continue until forever...

27 October, Thursday, 2011

I'm really tired today. Sham got angry at me again, I think. I kept trying to convince her that I tried to prevent Liora from ''torturing'' her.... And she said that I chose to take sides... And that I closed one eye... I told her that it is up to her to think what she wanted to think. She told me that I sound as if I'm lazy to talk to her... For crying out loud... I try to help both of them but I can't seem to achieve it... I wonder what will happen if one day I spoke my true thoughts... my true feelings... But I can't seem to bring myself to do it... They wouldn't understand... And I don't want to lose anymore friends anymore... Both of them are really my important friends... My 'nakama'... Ah, well... I'm not going to school tomorrow... I think... My heart and mind are really exhausted right now... I can't think.... 

20 October, Thursday, 2011

Sigh.... I am such a failure. Not only did I fail to give good advice to my friends, I also made them angry at me.... How can I solve this???? At this rate, I am not suitable to be a good friend... It's true... I have never been in a situation where I like someone who likes someone else... Okay, I've faced this before, but like the coward I am, I just keep my feelings inside of me and just let myself be hurt... But my friend is different... I know that... Sometimes the pain that one have to carry is just unbearable... But I've been keeping it inside of me for so long that I don't know how to help her to express her hurt and pain.... What can I do? And I really don't want her to hate or be angry at our friend... I know... If she just let and go and give in, they are able to be the best of friends... The problem is, how is that going to happen? I just want us to have a good time for this few weeks before the holidays.... I want these days to be filled with joy and laughter as we spend time and play together... To me, that is the best memories I want to create and have...