27 October, Thursday, 2011

I'm really tired today. Sham got angry at me again, I think. I kept trying to convince her that I tried to prevent Liora from ''torturing'' her.... And she said that I chose to take sides... And that I closed one eye... I told her that it is up to her to think what she wanted to think. She told me that I sound as if I'm lazy to talk to her... For crying out loud... I try to help both of them but I can't seem to achieve it... I wonder what will happen if one day I spoke my true thoughts... my true feelings... But I can't seem to bring myself to do it... They wouldn't understand... And I don't want to lose anymore friends anymore... Both of them are really my important friends... My 'nakama'... Ah, well... I'm not going to school tomorrow... I think... My heart and mind are really exhausted right now... I can't think.... 

20 October, Thursday, 2011

Sigh.... I am such a failure. Not only did I fail to give good advice to my friends, I also made them angry at me.... How can I solve this???? At this rate, I am not suitable to be a good friend... It's true... I have never been in a situation where I like someone who likes someone else... Okay, I've faced this before, but like the coward I am, I just keep my feelings inside of me and just let myself be hurt... But my friend is different... I know that... Sometimes the pain that one have to carry is just unbearable... But I've been keeping it inside of me for so long that I don't know how to help her to express her hurt and pain.... What can I do? And I really don't want her to hate or be angry at our friend... I know... If she just let and go and give in, they are able to be the best of friends... The problem is, how is that going to happen? I just want us to have a good time for this few weeks before the holidays.... I want these days to be filled with joy and laughter as we spend time and play together... To me, that is the best memories I want to create and have...